Periphery

Just as we are born, we are bound to certain rules and regulations, sometimes its nothing beyond a house, but it definitely defines a boundary line what we are not suppose cross. But with time, limitations do shift from one end to another. It’s not that they don’t exist anymore; it’s just the flexibility that comes in with the time. These limitations or boundaries are a way of life.

When we are young, our parents haunt us to not to enter the dark room, as we may get terrified and lost there, but with time they themselves give us courage and make us fight the darker side, they let or sometimes force us enter the room and experiment; as it is the appropriate time. With age our life takes up new kinds of challenges, and limitations are loosened up to teach us new ways of life.

When we are children we have boundaries of our house, our relations, our school and also our religion. Then as we grow up and move ahead and move out of all these peripheries, the ideologies around this fraction changes and sometimes completely vanishes. Some boundaries are just as the dark room, just goes away with time and need. But every time you are in a periphery you are expected to follow, the decorum of the fringe.

Limitations can be tangible or intangible; in print or just verbal, can be legal or illegal, seen or unseen, existing or non-existing, regular or irregular, they can sometimes stand in proxy, but surrogating them is not possible always. Boundaries are sometimes defined or sometimes undefined just as they are either legal or illegal. Abiding to them is definitely a safer choice but as we all believe that changes are always refreshing; and if better than the other then should be followed.

Though the word boundary or periphery is against democracy, but they are the simple rules, as you are not expected to enter a bedroom without knocking, they are there to make us comfortable. In today’s world, very less of a time we actually see any kind of limitations and boundaries, as in this growing economy we tend to give free life to people around us by letting them restrict their own life on their own ground, term and conditions. After a child is well grown and groomed, we really don’t interfere in his or her personal life. Democracy itself defines a free life. Right to life, Right to liberty, Right to freedom, Right to sovereignty, Right to speech and many more to follow. But following democracy and not believing in boundaries is not possible, we all live in a world made of rules and regulations, despite the fact that we have democracy, we don’t have right to murder, assault, trespass or abduct. But we all live by them as also follow such rules. Specially the rules, regulations and rituals of a family, they can either be simple system of life or may be some huge mental blocks bound to be called as religious essentials. Just as to mention, inter caste marriages, they are huge mental blocks. Why are two different religions bound not to bind together? Don’t we all have two eyes, two ears, one nose, two hands, two legs, two kidneys and same amount of intestines? Then how come we are different? We all belong to only one similarity, i.e. we all are humans and above all we are one.

When we talk about boundaries, everything comes with its pros and corns, right, this loyalty and love too comes with a Boundary that keeps on reminding me of the physical boundaries such as our house, our room, our kitchen. Just as you’re not expected to make food inside the bathroom, same goes that you can’t really mess out things of prime importance, boundaries do signify the facts that certain rules and regulations are meant to be followed, until proven wrong, as I earlier said that Being different is not always wrong, as different people where more of geniuses but, not every time is a genius born when someone is different, and I truly believe that being stupid and insane is no genius too, if you think you can make a tea in your bathroom and enjoy it sitting in your closet, then you really need a doctor. Our house tells us how can we be commonsensical to our environment, we have our fix boundaries, we can surely be ourselves when we are at home and definitely do whatever we believe in. This definition of boundaries around us is pretty mysterious, it isn’t that we can’t make out in our bathrooms, but preferably a room is always better, and same goes for life, it isn’t that we can’t change, but preferable it should make good for us in a long run. Right! As we have different usage of different rooms, so does our relations have different shades and angles to it, we can’t have similar or same relations with every one we know or meet, as I greet my father, I don’t do the same to my mother because I’m more friendly to my mother and more reserved with my father. As I love my best friend, I don’t do that to my sister; I do love my only sister more than I do to my friends and other relatives.

Take a break and think for a minute. Even while you just planned to read this book, you saw yourself in many kinds of superficial boundaries, like, will my parents allow me to read a book at this hour, do my children need me more or I can just give these few minutes to myself, will my wife have any problem if the lights are put on at this wee hour at night, will my husband be fine that I’m reading the book he wanted to finish first or just the fact. Do I really have enough time to read it, because I always keep busy in my life fulfilling all my duties, boundaries! I think, the word “Duty Bound” was derived because of all such reasons, right! As duties, it self define certain boundary and you tend to follow them all.

Women

Ages back when women was only attending her house, it was found to be up right and ethical to let her at home and the man of the house was the bread earner, but with the changing world scenario, we have noticed a great change and today not only men but women too are a part of the economic well being of the society, society which never believed in women empowerment, now supports the fact that a women too can be a bread earner of her family, though 90% of the women those who belong to financially sound families don’t earn to support their family but to mark a distinct position in society. And more than the financial status women was required to assure her position. All these limitations towards women broke, to endow her equality among men. This status of keeping women at par in society came in only because she stepped out of her house and earned, this not only proved her importance but also the worth. I myself believe that everyone should earn, be it men or women, because it is the basic of a dignified life and self respect, anybody who knows that you are completely dependent on him or her for your basic needs, will always in one or the other way rule your life, some times completely rule your freedom and respect. What she actually earns is spent on her own savings or wardrobe, but this freedom of spending your own hard earned money gives a sense of importance and also a kind of leisure, that for my small little needs I’m not bound to ask anyone. Though the idea of women walking out of her house hold was against the orthodox, conformist and conventional ideologies, but proved to be worth as a path-breaking of the limitations”.

This very word reminds me of some more important peripheries. Such as love, relations and the most talked about is Marriage and In-laws! Wow! You are really scared to even talk about them, but still they are the most talked about, right. Yes, relations with your husband and in-laws are never as same as what you share at your own home with your father or mother, your father did get angry on you many times but never hurt your feelings, your mother kept on taunting you for not being proper in kitchen, but she never really made an issue out of it, your siblings. Huh! They were always the pain in neck but they never really broke it. But here, when we enter a new arena, life changes in a day, just a day back you were the master of your own life, but suddenly your name changed and so does your parents too, now you have an altogether new set of parents and family, you are no more allowed to be a couch potato, in fact you are now responsible for many others too. Especially your husband, no matter what goes wrong (even in the office) you have to take it all, his angers, his appreciations and the ups and the downs!

Life was never like a clock before but now you have it all, right from cooking the best of your recipes to good house keeping, life is more about being a responsible person, than being people taking up or sharing your responsibilities. Any way, women can manage it all, they not only handle their office well, they also keep their house in perfect shape, they manage to pay the phone bills, and they do take care of your cholesterol high’s. Boundaries are more defined for the women than the men.

Men

On the other hand Men, do like to have someone in their life to completely irritate them to the core, for the matter of fact, as they say! But actually all men love when their wife’s tell them not to drink any more or arrange the closet today (though it’s always a great favor he’s done to you, please don’t forget this for coming 35 years at least). Men always love to be responsible in other ways than women, she always wants the house front under her possession and the Man always happily do that, as women never really wants to take responsibility of paying bills and getting the nut & the bolts in place, not that both of them can’t, it’s just that they not really want! These are the unseen and never discussed periphery’s what both men and women decide among them, so as to make the life smooth and comfortable.

Its not that men don’t enjoy being in limits and boundaries, marrying you it self was a proof of they being ready for adjustments, the very first, that you’ll be using his bedroom and sharing his bathroom too, just till yesterday it was an unclean bachelor’s room, that just turned into heaven where things are all in place and clean. Most of the men believe that marriage do comes with an expiry date and hence can only be renewed if they really want too, on a contrary women always believe in commitment, obligations, loyalty, devotion, dependability, assurance, dedication, promises and blah… blah… blah… blah… blah…. Man will keep him in the self derived limits, if only a woman knows, how to keep them in. They are too, just humans who belong to their own limited self and life, you really can’t go out of this universe, no matter how much do you want to.

Boundaries are nothing but responsibilities and this works like a pulley works for lifting a heavy weight, the more comfortable you make your self with your duties, the wiser you are in carrying them. Logically, they are never the edge of a cliff, rather they are just the stupid eccentric days those fill your life with fun and make it memorable, look back and see, more than half of your life instances you laugh out today were the serious problems of that time, what you felt, will make your life wretched and miserable.

Boundary is nothing but the circumference of all our relations, that says we are not allowed to cross them out, but nevertheless, many of us do so I do believe that it’s not always necessary to be in the bounds to unnecessary tie’s those are nothing but harassments to life, the growing rate of divorces, assures me on that point, as no one who’s divorced or separated wanted to actually blight his or her own life, it isn’t that they are bad people. It’s just simple, as two people of different thoughts and up-bringing could not get along. Simple! Both of them may be right on their own part. The very fact that, this is one relation that always remains close to a person’s heart it’s not possible to come out of it, no matter how much do you say, you succeed or achieved. The very fact that you lost one battle pinches your heart for ever, it’s just like a stupid gamble where you lost all, and when later you made it well, it really doesn’t matter. For the matter of fact that it’s not a blood relation, it doesn’t mean that breaking it off would be easy, even a long lost friend comes to our mind one in a blue moon, how can you forget your spouse! People those who don’t define their limits carefully and as I earlier mentioned, don’t make that pulley in a relation, it trembles down the hill, only because you couldn’t manage to pull off the load.

Life… Life…. Life… its not all that serious… there are moments filled with fun and enjoyments, moments of high’s and low’s when you were merry and content. A marriage can also be a longest honeymoon ever, it’s just how you adjust yourself to the facts and how do you enjoy the goof ups you do in your everyday life. I can still recall an incident that happened with my newly married friend, when he suddenly pulled out condom’s from his wallet while he was paying an ice-cream bill. And it almost turned out to be an I-SCREAM. But nevertheless, we all enjoyed, and congratulated him for not raising the population. Making an issue of such matters with your wife at home is always easy, making fun was tough but worthy, he did had a laugh and see, for being a good husband, he’s mentioned here today! Even these decisions of life are boundaries, when you bind yourself to certain duties to be fulfilled before you get into planning a family. Restrictions always make life audacious and adventurous. Risks are always worth it, because if you have it all in your lap, then what will be the struggle, these peripheries make our life interesting and daring, some people step out and dare, others scum to death, death of their own courage and bravery, not the physical but mental and social death.

Peripheries have been defined by our good own universe, the sun, the moon, the planets, the galaxies do move in their defined orbits. We need to have certain boundaries in life where we can’t move out because moving out will throw us out of this very universe, we can make a change, so does planets do, they do change their path, but never the orbit. So, as our lives, we can move in and out of a situation, but getting away is not possible.

If at all in life you have a problem, try to solve it, rather than escaping it away and making it worse, its not that no one has ever escaped life, so does me! As escaping was much easier for me than to be their and fight back life and resolving my issue. Fights take place only when we have certain boundaries those are restricted to be encroached but we do believe in making our own way, not that its always wrong, but as I said earlier too, if you have studies well and you know that you are absolutely not wrong, then be assertive to put your thoughts down, than to be aggressive.

Being assertive will make a change and not being aggressive.

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